Being Well

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Advice on living a balanced and emotionally healthy life

Laura Nicole Garbers has a master’s degree in counseling and has worked with a diverse range of clients with emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health concerns. She promotes health through counseling as well as through creative therapies including sensing, expression, and movement.

Hi, Laura,
I feel a bit silly writing to you about this, but I’ve realized recently that I’ve been really stressed about my height. All through high school and now college, I’ve felt uncomfortable. I’m a guy and being 5’3″ just doesn’t work well in the dating arena. Girls look right over me. I know that “size isn’t everything,” but sometimes size really is the missing piece in my life.
N.Y.

Dear N.Y.,
You’ve touched on a difficult topic, because your particular situation deals with something that cannot be changed. No one can alter your height, but even if that were possible, I wouldn’t recommend it. What I would suggest is focusing on your positive qualities, which will enable you to attract a wonderful partner and create a romantic relationship. If I were you, I would ask myself, What are the positive qualities I have to offer? Go ahead and make a list, and don’t be afraid to make it long. While you’re at it, think about how you can better present these qualities with confidence and pride. Confidence can work wonders for a person; it can raise you up and make your step lighter and your chin higher. Being able to recognize and radiate your own strengths is a powerful experience. Once again, there are some things in life that don’t change or that you can’t change much. It’s a good idea to recognize these things and make peace with them. Being depressed is a natural part of loss (not having something) and grief (the emotions involved), but being a little short on tallness doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Be sure to soak up the sunny side of life and pride yourself on what you consider your positive attributions. And who knows, perhaps one day your height will fall somewhere on that long list you created of the great things about you.

Best wishes,
Laura

Dear Laura,
My husband has been coming home late in the evening. He used to always be home before 6:30, but now he gets home at 8 p.m. or later. At first, he gave excuses like heavy traffic or stopping at the grocery, but now he just says he had to work late or had others things to do. Sometimes when I call the office after 6, no one answers, so I don’t think he’s really there. I’m worried, but I don’t want to lose faith in my marriage. Do you have any ideas? I’m scared and don’t know what to do.

Thanks,
G.P.

Dear G.P.,
What you’re saying about your husband’s being late doesn’t sound very good, but it’s important to keep balance. While it’s certainly possible that he’s involved in another relationship, it could also be that he has other things to do or that he’s a workaholic. Or it could be somewhere in between: He could be dissatisfied with marriage or family life, in need of alone time or have personal issues. The most important thing that needs to happen, in my view, is that you need to sit down together for a serious and thorough conversation—perhaps many serious and thorough conversations. Communication and trust have to be present for a relationship to work well. Ask yourself what you can do to prepare yourself and your husband for an in-depth discussion and the possible outcomes. Being in a lifelong romantic relationship isn’t always easy. It takes a large amount of dedication, love, perseverance, communication, honesty and hope. I wish you well in your journey and hope you and he can find some understanding.

Best wishes,
Laura